At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
