Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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