i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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