i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
