I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
