do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
