accomplished twins. life is a go
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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