is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
