Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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