I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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