as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
