I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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