Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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