"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I FOUND THE LEGS
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