I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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