so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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