She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
