My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
