So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
