im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
