one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize