Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
