You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize