please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
