i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
