Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
