season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
