i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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