my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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