its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
