i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
