Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
