Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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