how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
