I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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