I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
