You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
