She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
