Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
