I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
