Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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