let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
