you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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