The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
