just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
