Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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