the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
