Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
