i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
