It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They took my balls.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
