I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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