Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
