You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
