It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
