I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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