What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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