Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
