I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
