I hate all girls vehemently.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
