apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize