The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
