I think im going to throw up on grandma
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
