That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
