My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
