dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
