dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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