I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
