This is not my ceiling
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
