Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
