I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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