I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
