No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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