If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i will never coherently bang her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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