Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
